Golders Green Posse Pt. I: Izzy - justin_guber

Golders Green Posse Pt. I: Izzy

Back in the days when I was a diplobrat (although some would argue that since my father was in Trade and not actual diplomacy work I'm not a diplobrat), most of the Malaysian's living in England for the purpose of working for the government all stayed in the same areas: Hendon was one of them. Golders Green was another.

My house was on Basing Hill. A short walk in one direction lead to the home of the Reza's, since all the men in the family were named 'Reza'. A longer walk in the opposite direction would lead to Andi's house, our resident mat-rocker. Parallel to my street was where Izzy lived.

Have you ever watched 'Friends'? You know that character 'Fun Bobby'? Everybody's got a friend like 'Fun Bobby', the guy that's always the center of the party, the joker, the funny as fuck dude.

That was Izzy.

I remember once Izzy told me imaginary stories of people defecating on the street at a zebra crossing, and the warts popped open and frogs jumped out. I laughed so hard the spaghetti I was eating came out of my nose.

Then there was the time when he used my soft toys and video camera to make amateur smut films centering on a panda bear with the world's hungriest pussy.

And how could I ever forget the time when he came to visit me at my uni and I decided to bring him out for a night on the town. A friend of mine was trying to make a move on this girl. After a little conversation, the girl said,

"Actually, I'm kinda interested in your friend there," and pointed at Izzy.

Turns out the girl was a GCSE student.

After that, Izzy was a wreck. In the kebab shop we poured ketchup on his head and he thought he had a cut. He ran to the toilet. A beat later, we heard a yell from behind the toilet door,

"I'M ALIVE!"

Last I heard the dude was in the Royal Navy, learning how to shoot terrorists and shitting in a plastic bag during recon.

30.6.04 08:52

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